The one thing that is deemed indestructible in your life should never be threatened.
Architecture is my thing. It needs to be safe again. Untouchable. Indestructible.
...At least for now.
God save us.
4.22.2008
4.17.2008
Indifference
So I feel like I have so much to say. Yet I sit down and stare at the flickering computer screen and draw a blank - with words (or lack thereof). How can I describe this feeling to you and be sure you understand it? I know my vocabulary isn't quite as elementary as it appears right now, and I've been known to convey my idea to another convincingly on more than one previous occasion - so what's the deal?
It's like...
...drawing a figure from memory or your imagination, and pausing at that intense line that forms the foundation for the rest of the creation. Or..
...raising your hand in class to ask that specific question that would clear up everything for everyone, and then stuttering with embarrassment when the teacher directs the entire class' attention to you, causing you to completely forget the topic of the query in the first place - not that it matters at that point. Or..
...turning on the TV because you remember that you wanted to watch something at three o'clock, and then finding you don't quite recollect exactly what it was.
And as I review what I've just written, I find it still doesn't hit home. It's like being sure there is one word that can portray precisely what you mean in the least time possible, and feeling it on the tip of your tongue - maybe even knowing what letter it starts with - and still struggling for hours, maybe even days, if you are as obsessive as I am.
~tangent: I just noticed I'm a fan of commas and run-on sentences. Forgive me.~
Well, I guess this random rambling will have to do for now. Eventually I will have something important to say (or write). The question now is: who will have hung on long enough to read it?
It's like...
...drawing a figure from memory or your imagination, and pausing at that intense line that forms the foundation for the rest of the creation. Or..
...raising your hand in class to ask that specific question that would clear up everything for everyone, and then stuttering with embarrassment when the teacher directs the entire class' attention to you, causing you to completely forget the topic of the query in the first place - not that it matters at that point. Or..
...turning on the TV because you remember that you wanted to watch something at three o'clock, and then finding you don't quite recollect exactly what it was.
And as I review what I've just written, I find it still doesn't hit home. It's like being sure there is one word that can portray precisely what you mean in the least time possible, and feeling it on the tip of your tongue - maybe even knowing what letter it starts with - and still struggling for hours, maybe even days, if you are as obsessive as I am.
~tangent: I just noticed I'm a fan of commas and run-on sentences. Forgive me.~
Well, I guess this random rambling will have to do for now. Eventually I will have something important to say (or write). The question now is: who will have hung on long enough to read it?
One Way Ticket
I have a one way plane ticket to St. Louis.
Not that I'm not coming back.. I mean, of course I'm coming back for school next fall. I just don't know when I'm coming back, if it's gonna be mid-summer, or in August like everyone else. It's a bittersweet feeling - one way I get to spend the summer with my amazing family (I miss my mom) and the other I get to enjoy California without being in school at the same time. Either way, someone gets left behind. At the moment I think family is more important, but what happens when you start to think of school as your home and peers as your family?
How do you decide?
In my case, you make a pro/con list. That's right - your break out the pencil and the sharpener (pen if you're confident) and some lined paper, maybe even a ruler, and you start your list. It's very simple, yet so very effective...
So who won? You'll just have to wait and see I guess... :)
Not that I'm not coming back.. I mean, of course I'm coming back for school next fall. I just don't know when I'm coming back, if it's gonna be mid-summer, or in August like everyone else. It's a bittersweet feeling - one way I get to spend the summer with my amazing family (I miss my mom) and the other I get to enjoy California without being in school at the same time. Either way, someone gets left behind. At the moment I think family is more important, but what happens when you start to think of school as your home and peers as your family?
How do you decide?
In my case, you make a pro/con list. That's right - your break out the pencil and the sharpener (pen if you're confident) and some lined paper, maybe even a ruler, and you start your list. It's very simple, yet so very effective...
So who won? You'll just have to wait and see I guess... :)
4.16.2008
Mantra
So this is the person that I've become through all of the strife, the pain, the happiness, the joy, the innumerable blessings, the let-downs, the surprises, and everything else in between. I like to view this at-times-satisfying life with a glass half full in one hand and a guide to aesthetics in the other. I believe that while even your best friend will occasionally let you down, those are the best moments of your life because those experiences strengthen you so you can easily dismiss other hurts as if they were nothing. Because in comparison, they are nothing.
Enough with the silly life lessons already. We live in this world consisting of so many vast stretches of art, yet we simply pass by so consumed with our own trivial worries, as if they will mean anything in one weeks' time. We fail to pay the artists responsible for the absolute & pure brilliance the respect they most definitely have earned, through the simple fact that they are ingenious by nature.
Why do we not see the hours of thought and imagination that goes into each edifice, each canvas, each thin piece of shield we clothe ourselves with each morning? Why cannot we appreciate that which we have been so blessed to experience, and not only fail to pay dues, but actively and aggressively ignore, like we are some race of moronic imbeciles. Well, if you cannot handle being ridiculed, you may be the very ones I speak of, so choose your offenses wisely.
Why listen to the ramblings of one who falls so easily for the pleasing. Throw something my way which is coated in a wispy thin shell of hope and I swoon at your feet. Don't call it naivete, please, for I cannot stand that word in comparison with my thoughts. Simply attribute it to my own little Cinderella complex, or maybe just this funny little thing called optimism.
Maybe I am the insanity in your midst, the incomprehensible in your mind, the eyelash in your eye, if you please - but maybe it is you who does not really see. Lift the veil of political correction and years of mindless training and view the world for what it really is. An ironic metaphor. A masquerade you can choose to disregard, or that you can truly embrace. Choose your own mask from the pre-selected pickings if you will. I think I'll make my own, incorporating my very own rose tinted glasses.
Enough with the silly life lessons already. We live in this world consisting of so many vast stretches of art, yet we simply pass by so consumed with our own trivial worries, as if they will mean anything in one weeks' time. We fail to pay the artists responsible for the absolute & pure brilliance the respect they most definitely have earned, through the simple fact that they are ingenious by nature.
Why do we not see the hours of thought and imagination that goes into each edifice, each canvas, each thin piece of shield we clothe ourselves with each morning? Why cannot we appreciate that which we have been so blessed to experience, and not only fail to pay dues, but actively and aggressively ignore, like we are some race of moronic imbeciles. Well, if you cannot handle being ridiculed, you may be the very ones I speak of, so choose your offenses wisely.
Why listen to the ramblings of one who falls so easily for the pleasing. Throw something my way which is coated in a wispy thin shell of hope and I swoon at your feet. Don't call it naivete, please, for I cannot stand that word in comparison with my thoughts. Simply attribute it to my own little Cinderella complex, or maybe just this funny little thing called optimism.
Maybe I am the insanity in your midst, the incomprehensible in your mind, the eyelash in your eye, if you please - but maybe it is you who does not really see. Lift the veil of political correction and years of mindless training and view the world for what it really is. An ironic metaphor. A masquerade you can choose to disregard, or that you can truly embrace. Choose your own mask from the pre-selected pickings if you will. I think I'll make my own, incorporating my very own rose tinted glasses.
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